I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
