you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
