yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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