i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
