Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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