chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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