I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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