When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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