Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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