grandma shit on top of the toilet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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