cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
