Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
