There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize