You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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