Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
