I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
