Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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