If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
