this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
