Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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