I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
