she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
