I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
