that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
