I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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