Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
