I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
