This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
