It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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