This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
