It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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