a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
