I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
