Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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