Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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