i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
