i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
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she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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