I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
