Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
