Apparently you make a good broom.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
