Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
