and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
