Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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