Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
