Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
