I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
