the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
