this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
