I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
