i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
