I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
