tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Maybe he injected his testicle?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
