mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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