Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
