Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
