brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
