physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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