I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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