She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
