you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
