i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
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I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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