I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
