Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
