I think I just saw someone hide a body.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
