Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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