Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
