we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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