They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
