Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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