so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
