Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
