Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
